Episodes
Sunday Mar 06, 2011
Approval Seeking
Sunday Mar 06, 2011
Sunday Mar 06, 2011
Have you ever felt like everybody had to be OK with anything you did? One of the traits I carried into adulthood from growing up in an alcoholic family was constantly seeking approval for my actions.
Sunday Mar 06, 2011
Learning To Feel
Sunday Mar 06, 2011
Sunday Mar 06, 2011
Has it ever seemed like you are numb to the events in your world? It has for me. When I was 8 my grandfather died, and the family acted as if nothing happened, and I felt no sadness or emotions about it. I had learned to stuff my feelings, and carried that into my adult life.
Sunday Mar 06, 2011
Inner Child
Sunday Mar 06, 2011
Sunday Mar 06, 2011
Have you ever felt like a little kid in an adult world? Remember the movie Big, with Tom Hanks? I was in an adult body, but in many ways I was still 13 year old Josh Baskin, sitting in a dumpy motel room in New York City, scared to death.
Sunday Mar 06, 2011
Not My Fault
Sunday Mar 06, 2011
Sunday Mar 06, 2011
Have you ever felt like you're responsible for everything that happens? Whatever is going on - somehow, it is your fault? You are to blame.
Sunday Mar 06, 2011
Isolation
Sunday Mar 06, 2011
Sunday Mar 06, 2011
Isolation is one of the most damaging effects of growing up in an alcoholic household. Like many adult children of alcoholics, I had this trait.
Monday Jan 24, 2011
I Can't Remember
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Has it ever seemed like there were chunks of your childhood you just couldn't remember? I know most people have things they have forgotten, but what I'm talking about is where there might be blank spaces in your past.
Monday Jan 24, 2011
I Won't Be Like Him
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Monday Jan 24, 2011
I decide in my early '20s the one thing I wanted most in life was not to be like my Dad. Then I realized with a shock I had become just like my Father.
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Easily Discouraged
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Has it ever felt like you give up easily if something doesn't seem to be working out? I discovered that for me, it was connected to being put down or humiliated when I successfully completed a project as a child.
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Paralysis of Analysis
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Have you ever felt like you were so caught up in analyzing problems that you were immobilized? Stewing over problems without deciding was a way not to take a risk, and I had to learn to work on problems differently in order to actually solve them.
Monday Jan 24, 2011
What Is Normal?
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Have you ever wondered what was normal in a certain situation. I often have, because in my household growing up, there were very few stable patterns of behavior - everything was unpredictable.
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Thinking In Absolutes
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Yes, no, black or white, for me or against me. Any of that sound familiar? Either you agreed with me, or I would have to make you a bad person in my mind to defend my position. I have learned to respect the opinions of others, and sometimes "agree to disagree."
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Automatic Lying
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Have you ever found yourself lying about something when there was really no reason to do so? As a child, if I admitted to anything, it could lead to a negative and painful consequence. I learned to always deny knowing anything.
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Undeserved Loyalty
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Have you ever found yourself defending someone who is taking advantage of you? I had a friend who would call every time he needed some help with his house. But he was never around when I needed something. I had to decide my time was worth more than that.
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Finishing Things
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Has it ever felt like you struggled to finish things - an assignment at work, a fixit project at home? As a child, I learned that things just never got finished where you could enjoy them. I continued that logic into adulthood.
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Don't Talk
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Is there something inside you that makes you sense that if you talk about what's going on with you, it will lead to bad things? I had to learn all over how to talk about what happened and what was happening, and how I felt about it.
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Come Here, Go Away!
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Do you ever let people get close, and then it feels like they're too close, and you push them away? I would even create fights with someone after we'd gotten close. I had to realize that not everyone was dangerous and threatening.
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Feeling Different
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Have you ever felt like you were out of step with the world around you? I remember being at a church retreat with 70 people, and here I was, somehow separated and different from the others in the group.
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Controlling Behavior
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Have you ever been told you're controlling? I was told that, and didn't like it, but as I started looking at how I was living in my world, I discovered it was true. I was trying to control today's events like I couldn't control the alcoholic family of my teenage years.
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Overreacting
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Have you ever been told you overreact to things? I've heard that a lot, because things that happened in my world all seemed out of proportion or scarier than they actually were.
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Fear of Discovery
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Have you ever felt like you can't tell people who you really are? In my case, I couldn't because I didn't know who I was. And I was afraid if people discovered how I really was, they wouldn't like me.
Monday Jan 24, 2011
We Won't Regret The Past
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Monday Jan 24, 2011
There's a saying in some literature that says we won't regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it. I didn't think that statement could apply to me. But as a result of doing the hard work of recovery, I've seen it come true.
Monday Jan 24, 2011
They Rule From The Grave
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Monday Jan 24, 2011
I knew a guy once who was just waiting for his alcoholic mother die - so he would no longer have to deal with his issues around her drinking. It didn't happen that way. He tried to avoid it, but he would act like she was still in the room, telling him the same negative messages from childhood.
Monday Jan 24, 2011
What God Is Doing For Us
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Monday Jan 24, 2011
There's a saying, we will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. I didn't believe that was possible for a long time, until I saw it happening in my world.
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Being Invisible
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Monday Jan 24, 2011
If I am invisible and no one sees me, then no one can hurt me. A friend told me she used to watch me walk into our Sunday School class, trying to slide into the back and disappear into the crowd.
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Hero Child
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Monday Jan 24, 2011
One of the roles in an alcoholic family is to be the hero - the one who fixes the problem, cleans up the mess from the drinking, and is viewed as a savior within that world. I did that a lot, but it was just a mask I hid behind, so people wouldn't see how scared and inadequate I usually felt.
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Peacemaker
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Do you hate conflict? Want to always make peace wherever you are? I learned that as a child - to smooth over the rough waters so conflict would hopefully go away. If there was no conflict, there could be no dangerous backsplash on me.
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Affirmations
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Do you ever feel like you're responding to life based on some old messages stuck in your head? I was living that way, until I was introduced to affirmation. I Dan, am a loving and worthwhile person.
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Upset Stomach
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Ever had an upset stomach? I did for years, and thought it was exclusively a physical ailment. When I started working on my issues from growing up in an alcoholic family, I realized my upset stomach was something I had first experienced in the turbulence and uncertainty of the violent household.
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Double Messages
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Have you ever been confused by a double message? By that I mean the sort of things I learned as a child. "You're incompetent - take care of the house." I learned to be very responsible as a child, while at the same time being told I wasn't very good at whatever I was doing.
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Being The Clown
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Monday Jan 24, 2011
Have you ever joked around a lot and been the life of the party? Has it ever felt like a mask? "Although I might be laughing loud and hearty, deep inside I'm blue." I had a friend see through my clown one time, and helped me see how I used it as a mask.