Minute to Freedom

Taking My Own Advice

Has it ever seemed like you could see what others needed to do in a situation, but couldn't see the same for yourself?  One of my friends said, "you know what your friends say when they're mad at you? Why can't he take his own advice."  Well, that brought me up short.

Tough Love

Tough love.  So what is that?  Has it ever seemed like someone is taking advantage of you, even when you may have told them to stop? I teach people how to treat me, and if I don't change how we interact, it's me who is letting it continue.

Trusting Others

Has it ever felt tough to trust that a friend is really there for you?  When I was growing up in an alcoholic family, I learned never to trust anyone. Yet in adulthood, friends who really did have my best good in mind were kept outside a fence that only I could break down.

Release Anger But Don't Hurt

Have you ever felt like you had to hold on tightly because if you let your anger surface, it would just explode?   I was like that in my mid '30.  It was affecting my health, and I finally had to face how angry I was.

Being Spontaneous

Has it ever seemed like it was difficult to just let go and do something on the spur of the moment?  I have had a lot of trouble with being spontaneous - unexpected events were frightening.

Spacing Out

Have you ever had something traumatic happen, like a family crisis, and you found yourself just spacing out?  I would do that - be frozen to the spot and not able to take action.

Keep it Simple

Has it ever seemed like your world is terribly complicated?  That you just go from one crisis to the next? I had learned to seek out and perpetuate crisis from growing up in an alcoholic household, and thrived on the rush of constant upsets in my world.

Hypervigilance

Hypervigilance.  What the heck is that?  In my world, it meant always being in what I call "on patrol" mentality.  It was like I was in a war zone, and the bad guys were out in the bushes.  Growing up in an alcoholic family, the slightest misstep could make me the target of my Dad's anger.

Detachment

Has it ever felt like you were getting sucked into the drama of someone else's world?  As I experienced that, sometimes I had to step away - detach myself - from certain people.  Getting wrapped up in the chaos of another person's life, I wasn't doing myself any good.

Dependent Personality

Have you ever felt like your world rotated around someone else, and that person had the ability to determine your happiness?  For me it almost felt like a physical craving that I had to be around the woman I was involved with, and sometimes I would do crazy things.

Developing Faith

Has it ever seemed tough to rely on God?  When I started dealing with the effects of growing up in an alcoholic family, I discovered my attempts at faith were more superficial than I had thought.

Go The Distance

Yes, it's the line from Field of Dreams, but boy, it's a good one! It's a good concept in life - I might not get very far each day, but if I'm still moving, still trying, that's a good day!

Not Being A Victim

Have you ever felt like a victim?  Like everyone was out to get you? I was hurt as a child, I was victimized.  No doubt about it.  But if I carry that mentality into adulthood, it's now a problem that I'm carrying.

Call Someone

Have you ever felt like you had things on your mind, and didn't know what to do about it?  Calling someone wasn't something I thought of, but it gave me a huge amount of relief as I went through the grief process.

What Am I Doing For Fun?

Have you ever felt like you were too serious? That it was tough to let go and just have fun? When a friend asked "What are you doing for fun?" it used to bug me, because I couldn't come up with many examples of fun in my life.

Finding Hope

Has it ever seemed like things were just going to stay the same, and that wasn't good?  By addressing my problems, beginning to find solutions, and seeing changes in my world, it allowed me to feel hopeful for the first time in a long while.

Frightened by Angry People

Have you ever been frightened by an angry person? I'm sure most of us have at some point.  But for me being around anger brought up a deep terror.  Because I knew from growing up in an alcoholic household how anger could explode, and how dangerous that could be.

Helping Others

Have you ever felt like you just weren't being useful?  That your problems were so overwhelming that they became your whole world?  Yet there's a great deal of truth in that old saying, "you don't get it until you give it away."

Willingness

Have you ever felt like you just didn't want to look at the problems that were plaguing your life?  I was like that for many years, and yet - it didn't make those problems go away.

Being Self Critical

Has it ever felt like you were being too critical of yourself? That whatever you did, it wasn't good enough?  If I got a 98 on a test, I beat myself up over the 2 I missed rather than feeling good about the high score.

Honor The Intuition

Have you ever felt like your gut is telling you something is wrong, but others are saying, "No, everything's fine," and you find it all very confusing? Growing up in an alcoholic family I was taught to doubt my intuition.

Confusing Love and Pity

Have you ever thought you were in love with someone, only to discover later that you really just felt sorry for them?  I would find a woman who was in great turmoil, become involved with her and think I was "in love."  Really, I was embroiled in her chaos.

Unresolved Grief

Have you ever gotten upset at something happening today, but you are more upset or sad than seems reasonable for the current event?  I experienced that a number of times, and discovered I was tapping into unresolved grief.

Loss of Identity

Have you ever experienced acting a different way in a group to be able to blend in? Growing up, I learned to be a chameleon, becoming whatever I thought people wanted, in order to fit in.

Authority Figures

Has a situation ever made you feel like you were the small child in front of the teacher's desk, afraid you had done something wrong?   I learned that growing up with a Dad who was the ultimate authority, and I had to do whatever I could to appease him.

Loving Yourself

Have you ever felt like you could be loving toward others, but just couldn't give that same level of caring to yourself?  There's a Bible verse that says, you shall love your neighbor as you love yourself.  I always focused on the loving your neighbor part, sometimes neglecting myself in the process.

Define The Problem

Have you ever felt like something was wrong in your life, but you just couldn't put your finger on what it was? One of my favorite sayings is "defining the problem is half the solution." As I connected my adult behaviors with the events of my childhood, everything began to make more sense.

Doesn't Have to Be Perfect

Have you ever felt like you had to have things just so - that everything had to be perfect?  A good friend remembered as a teenager trying to fold his slacks perfectly - just so - on the hanger.

Addicted to Excitement

Have you ever felt like you needed thrills to keep your adrenalin pumping?  Actually needed the rush? I remember one time skiing so fast I could tell I had to stay on my skis or have a devastating injury.

God Turns Up the Volume

Have you ever felt like the same issues or problems keep coming up over and over in your life?  With jobs, I would start out as the Golden Child at a new job, and somehow end up as the Black Sheep and eventually have to quit or be fired.